The Talk
by TheStendanExperience
Summary: Kelso gives Betsy the talk..In true Kelso fashion, it doesn't go as planned.. Kelso/Brooke Hyde/Jackie and Eric/Donna mentions.


Disclaimer: _**That '70s Show**_ is an American television period sitcom that centers on the lives of a group of teenage friends living in the fictional suburban town of Point Place, Wisconsin, from May 17, 1976, to December 31, 1979. It debuted on the Fox television network, first airing on August 1998, running for eight consecutive seasons, and concluding with the 200th episode on May 18, 2006. Plus, if I did own T7S I would have had Hyde/Jackie together and if not them, then Eric/Jackie.

Summary: Kelso gives Betsy the talk..In true Kelso fashion, it doesn't go as planned.. Kelso/Brooke Hyde/Jackie and Eric/Donna mentions.

Setting: The fictionalized town of Point Place, Wisconsin.

Spoilers: S1-S8

Note:

-Everything in S8 happened excluding the horrible crapola known as Fez/Jackie. Sorry, never ever will be making it into my little fics. Yes, Hyde/Jackie are together.

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Kelso sat down with Betsy. She was fourteen now. Betsy had been making eyes at Timmy's son, Tommy, Kelso noticed at the end of term. It was important that he packed up his considerable courage and had "the talk".

"Bets, there's something we should talk about." Kelso said solemnly.

"Luke and Zeph did it, Dad!" Betsy blamed her 'cousins', Luke and Zeph (son of Eric and Donna Forman and son of Steven and Jackie Hyde, respectively.)

"We did not! You started it!" Luke countered.

"She's starting to work for The Man. Man, they're starting early."

"Ummm...okay," Kelso was confused then registering what his nephew said, "Yep! You're definitely Hyde's son," Luke and Zeph rolled their eyes at their moronic, but lovable uncle, "Did what?" Kelso asked, confused and worried at what they might have broken without his knowledge.

"Erm.."

"Nothing."

Kelso raised a questioning eyebrow but didn't push the subject. He'd deal with that whenever it came around again to haunt him. He took a breath and began again.

"Bets..boys. You're getting to an age now where there's something we need to talk about.."

Kelso paused, wondering how to continue. He thought back to when he got the talk. The memory consumed him briefly as he thought back to that very awkward day…He shuddered while shaking out of it.

"Now Bets, Luke, and Zeph, you're getting to the age where we have to have a little talk about men and women and what it means to like a boy or girl." Kelso said this with the air as though the kids had many prospects which caused Luke to snort slightly and Zeph to snicker, while Bets was in shock.

Luke was starting to get fed up, "Uncle Kelso! Can we move on, please?"

"Yes, son. Well, when you like a girl, you may start to get certain… feelings in… special places."

"Can I be excused?" Betsy asked; her eyes wide with horror that she was sitting with her Dad and cousins and having "the talk".

"You most certainly may not. We're going to have this talk. You're both old enough now." Kelso insisted.

"Dad, I think we know enough at this point to know what's going on… down there." Betsy added.

"When you start getting feelings in special places it is important to be wise about the decisions you make." He continued as though uninterrupted. "Make sure you have condoms. You see that's where I messed up," Kelso looked proud as if he was saying something profound to the kids. "Yeah...that's where I mess up. Me and your mom did in a bathroom at a Molly Hatchet concert...nine months later...Betsy came out of your Aunt, boys."

Luke and Zeph eyes were wide open; mouths hung agape at the audacity of their uncle. Boy, were their dads going to pound their uncle into the ground. Betsy looked as if she were about to cry and wanted her mother. Zeph let out a groan; clearly his embarrassment was just as great as Luke's. The boys started picturing horrible and disgusting things inside their heads to help the awkwardness go away. But Kelso wasn't done by a long shot.

"You see when I met your aunt. I wasn't in love. I just thought she was hot and wanted to do it. And before I knew it we were in the bathroom making Betsy." Kelso continued.

Finally he seemed to be wrapping up. "So, once you have a job, a house, and are married, then you can think about those feelings. Now, when the feelings are met by the girl's feelings you will do things with the girl, and sometimes the girl may get pregnant."

"Dad!" Betsy exclaimed in horror.

"Now Bets don't be like that. The birds and the bees talk is important for you to know and understand. Pregnancy means the mommy will get very large and have a baby." He explained as though they were toddlers and couldn't understand the anatomy of pregnancy except in simplistic terms. "And then you'll be a daddy. So that pretty much explains those feelings you might be.. feeling. Although you Betsy, you should just avoid other people all together."

Kelso was pulled from his reverie to see Zeph and Luke staring at him as if he were stupid. He smiled awkwardly back.

Without saying anything, the two twelve year olds left their Uncle Kelso and cousin Betsy alone and proceeded to walk to Zeph's house where Luke's parents were.

_**Ten seconds later.**_

"Kelso, a word?" Hyde pulled him from his kitchen with Eric standing right next to him; both of his childhood best friends looked pissed off and violent. He no longer doubted Eric could beat his ass. He knew Eric could. Apparently, besides teaching, the former scrawny nerd boy, did manual labor in Africa. And do not forget the Forman Rage. And well, Hyde was always a strong person as a kid and continued throughout his adult years. There was no questioning his strength.

"Kelso, want to tell me and Hyde...how the ever living hell did our sons know how Betsy was conceived?" Eric yelled in Kelso's face.

"We'll give you five seconds of a head start."

Kelso ran past Brooke in the living room and out onto the street, quickly followed by Hyde and Eric. Brooke sighed not needing to ask. She already knew.

"Ow, my eye!"

"You fucking moron."

"Ow, my other eye."

"You dillhole!"

Kelso looked up from the ground only to see Red behind Hyde and Eric in the distance, laughing his head off and then yelling, "What were you thinking, Kettlehead?"

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~Nim*huggles*


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